Thursday, June 25, 2009

Somewhere Dr. Ferber is shaking his head...

So, all in all, Ferberizing has been great...pretty much the best thing we've done for Audrey as far as sleep goes. She's sleeping in her own crib all night, AND she naps in her crib as well (yaaay!). However, I failed to see the importance of eliminating the pacifier at the same time. I felt like it would be too much all at once for her. Well, it has really become her only sleep association. Herein lies the problem...when she wakes at night and loses the paci, it upsets her. And I'm lying there realizing that all I have to do is go put it back in. And it worked well becuase I'd only have to do it once and she was back asleep...until maye an hour or two later. So I wasn't really Ferberizing...I mean, why let her cry for 3, 5, 10 minutes when I KNOW the only thing she needs is the paci? Now, I do do not mind getting up a few times to replace the paci at all. However, this is not helping her get back to sleep on her own as we had originally intended with starting this whole process.

The goal of Ferber is to eliminate their sleep associations so that when they wake at night (as we all do) their environment has not changed and they can more easily fall back to sleep. I love the analogy Ferber has in his book. If you fell asleep every night with a nice comfy pillow and then at some point during the night someone came in and stole it, you'd be like..."WTF, where's my pillow?" and you'd totally wake up trying to find and get all riled up, unable to fall back asleep very easily. However, if you had to start the night falling asleep without your pillow, yeah it would suck the first few'd be all uncomfortable, toss and turn, complain, etc. But eventually you'd fall sleep and get used to it. Basically we want the condition to which Audrey falls asleep to be the same as when she wakes up so that there are no surprises, nothing has changed.

So nights 4 & 5 were ok as far as her initially going to sleep. Very little (1-2 minutes) or no crying. But she woke up a couple times for the paci each night and that's when I realized I wasn't really Ferberizing anymore. So I made the decision to start all over again, but this time eliminate the paci. Yikes. I decided to start with this morning's nap. Get it over with! I put her down while she was all happy and smiley. She cried for 3 minutes. I left and she cried for exactly 5 minutes, but this time it was on and off. Right at 5 minutes she fell asleep (hello!! this is a total repeat of her first few days of Ferber!) I'm glad this mornings nap went so well, but I'm very anxious to see what tonight holds. I expect her to cry for 8 minutes at bedtime, but what about when she wakes at night? I'm hoping there's no more than 8 minutes of crying as well.

As I've said, I do love Ferber's works...but it only works as well as you can follow the plan. If you want your baby to associate falling asleep with a paci, then by all means, keep the paci. But Audrey can't reinsert by herself yet. And honestly, why not break the paci habit now? Wish us luck tonight!!


Alicea (mnbride1013) said...

Good luck! This is why I won't even introduce the paci to my son. I worked in daycares where kids were still sucking on those things until they were 2!

You may go through a rough patch taking it away, but it will better for both of you in the end.

caroline said...

I agree it's best to get rid of it now. Sticking to his methods strictly is hard. Similar thing happened with us but it was with breastfeeding. When we did Ferber at 6 months it worked. He was sleeping through the night. But then one fateful night he woke up around 4:30 am and I thought well, what can it hurt to feed him, but that totally started a trend and he was back to waking up all night long. She should adjust well and be putting herself back to sleep w/out paci in no time. Just be strong!

Kim said...

Good luck tonight! Can I ask you a couple of questions? We used Ferber a couple of months ago when C was 6 months, but I didn't feel like she was old enough to wean (even though the book said it was fine). And I was totally ok with waking up once to feed her. Well now once has turned to twice, plus a couple of extra wakings, etc... So now we're back where we started (40+ minutes of crying last night, with check ups!!). My question is...if you weaned Audrey at the same time, how did it go? Any tips? Also, naps have been a problem. How did you get her drowsy enough to fall asleep on her own? Thanks so much!

ps...I know I'm a stranger, I found your blog on the bump and have been following it for a while. Thanks again!

BabyBurns said...

Kim~we didn't wean her from night time feedings. When she was sleeping in her bouncy, or with us, sometimes she'd go all night without eating. Sometimes she's wake and we'd try to give her the paci...and if she got upset and rejected it we'd feed her. Since starting Ferber she doesn't seem to get hungry until around 4-5. I still consider that to be her "sleep time" although Ferber says to get them up for the day at that time. After that feeding she goes right back to sleep for 3 hours. Hopefully she'll give that up soon and sleep straight through it. If not I might have to Ferberize through that time. As for naps, I look for her cues to tell me when she's ready. She usually gets cranky and rubs her face & ear. I give her a bottle and put her in her crib. She might cry for 1 minute, but then she's fast asleep! Good luck :)